Family Confessions

There are certain aspects of a person's life ,which forever remain buried under the veneer of daily chores. I have never expressed a lot of my emotions in public as it gets tedious on the listener, who might himself feel embarrassed by the display.

Last year was the hardest year of my life so far. The reason for it being tough were manifold , if a person really believes that bad luck can be a consistent phenomenon than it really wrenched its maximum out of me in 2006. I lost my father in December 06 , that in itself was grief that I have not fully reconciled to even now.

What hurt me most was that a proper healthy man got suddenly paralysed with an unexplainable illness , he had to immediately be shifted to Delhi for Medical treatment. The treatment in itself took a toll on his body and perhaps weakened by it he passed away in December last year. It is not perhaps a one in a million case but what about the apathy that the fellow blood relatives can show on an emotional and sensitive man ?

I would not like to go into details but some of my fathers closest kith and kin showed 'exemplary arrogance' when all he required was their emotional support.People forgot how my father risked his own health so that one of his nephews could be married off in great style when his father was languishing in a hospital ICU. I only expect people who are intellectually and emotionally bankrupt to indulge in this kind of apathy when their own Kin lies on his deathbed.

A few exceptions notwithstanding ---and they being very few indeed, both my parents faced this calamity on their own. My brother and I had to go through intense emotional distress seeing our father in physical and mental pain. Why did this happen to a selfless man who cared much for his relatives and even for people who looked up to him as an elder guide ?

The answer is not shrouded in some metaphysical explanation , it is brutually and obscenely obvious to the casual observer. 'Convenience' , yes! that most benign of all words is behind this emotional bankruptcy. Most of our relatives were firmly ensconed in their convenient lifestyles and would always want to stay away from the cauldron of trouble that was brewing in our home. Nobody has the time to be the soothing balm on my family's tormented heart. I do not grudge these people , they do not want to get themselves embroiled in such 'Mundane' matters. They are people for whom an honest day's work is an anomaly. They are people who begrudge anybody's growth . So the point emerges, run away in distress but be present in joy.

I on my part have become immune to the sorrows of certain people today. I can't be an emotionless mannequin for I have my father's noble blood in my veins. However I also know that hatred and vengeance are a human trait and much as I can't go into the medieval times and obliterate my foes. I can still show cold blooded indifference to the plight of some of my relatives.

I ask myself a pertinent question, has something in me died with my father? Yes! for I am no longer the same carefree youth. I now belive in fighting for one's rights and fight I will with anybody who gets in my family's rights. I will not tolerate any nonsensical interference in my family matters and would happily go into a war for my parents rights.

This post is not a guide in revenge and hatred. It is a guide to the putrescent--decadent mask that our relationships have come up to.